The YeeHaw Excitation, A Lenny FanFic
by AThingOfBeauty
Summary: What actually went on behind Leonard's closed bedroom door in The Lunar Excitation? (Season 3, Episode No. 23) M Rated Lenny oneshot, adult language and adult themes, mild Sub/Dom and scenes of a sexual nature within. All feedback/reviews gratefully received. Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from any part of The Big Bang Theory.


**The Yee-Haw Excitation**

God, Zack was stupid. And he talked. And talked. And talked. And then he talked some more.

And the more he talked, the more she drank.

How much alcohol was it going to take this time? More than Vegas, that was for sure.

In Vegas she hadn't realized quite how fucking stupid he was, and, as she'd needed nearly a week of detox to recover from that adventure, tonight really wasn't looking good for her liver.

She winced as she overheard the word 'appe-teasers' for what must be the tenth time as he preened to his friends and, right there and then, she realized there wasn't enough alcohol in the world. She surrendered her drink and accepted she was in for another night of blue balls, or whatever the female equivalent was; blue ovaries? And it was all Leonard's fault, the little shit!

Zack was good enough to put her in a cab, even after she'd given him the brush-off. He was keen to get back to the party; she guessed he had other options. Good for him. She surprised herself with the vast amount of shits she didn't give.

She mulled her predicament over in the cab home, wincing as the blinding streetlights flashed past her window. She was screwed, and not in the way she had wanted to be. Zack was a good guy, and gorgeous, and tall, and built; so, so built! Since when had she been bothered about intelligence? Since Leonard, that's when. Since Leonard came and fucked everything up. Well, Leonard owed her, big time. And Leonard was gonna pay.

She tripped on the stairs, bashing her shin, but was happily numb enough not to care. She crawled the last flight of stairs on her hands and pulled herself to her feet on the landing outside the door of 4A before knocking, loud; loud enough to wake the bugger.

"Coming!" She heard the irritation in his voice when he finally approached.

"Damn you! You rat bastard!" She jabbed her finger at him accusingly as the door swung open.

"Are you drunk?" Leonard recoiled in shock.

"Zack was a perfectly nice guy, and then you ruined him!" She accused.

"How did I ruin him?" He questioned, brows knitted in confusion.

"Cause in the olden days, I never would've known he was so stupid." She clarified.

"Come on, he wasn't that stupid." Leonard placated, why did he always have to be so fucking nice, the bastard?

"Yes, he was! He thought you were gonna blow up the moon!" She exasperated, prompting a laugh from him.

"Okay, yeah, he's stupid." He capitulated as he chuckled in agreement.

"He spent the entire night bragging about how he invented the word appe-teasers." She continued her accusation.

"How is that my fault?" He continued to laugh as she put her argument across; he was clearly not taking her seriously. Well, she'd show him! And then some!

"You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots!" She barged through, grabbing his hand as she passed him, tugging him along behind her. "Now come with me!"

"Where are we going?" He asked in bewilderment.

'We're gonna have sex!" She ordered.

"Why?" He questioned without thinking, immediately covering with. "I mean, okay!"

He followed meekly and, as they approached the corridor, Sheldon popped out of his bedroom, bringing to mind a startled meerkat, his face a picture of flustered confusion.

"What's going on?" He asked in befuddlement.

"Put on your noise-canceling headphones, 'cause it's gonna get loud!" She instructed.

"Oh! Not this again!" He implored, but she ignored him and jerked Leonard into his room slamming the door behind him.

Once over the threshold, she pushed him in the chest so he flopped back onto his bed before kicking off her shoes and straddling him. She pressed her mouth against his, the taste of him familiar yet exciting as she ran her tongue against his lips. To her surprise, he pulled away.

"How much have you had to drink Penny?" He asked in concern, always the fucking good guy, it was beyond irritating!

"Enough Leonard, enough!" She confirmed, and she laughed as she crushed her mouth against him again, annoyance mounting as he refused to return her kiss. He started to gently push her away, his hands on her shoulders, and her wrath flared.

"You owe me Hofstadter!" She stated, jabbing her finger at his face as he winced.

She grabbed his hands, forcing them above his head and, pushing him back on the bed, she hovered above him.

"I'm not sure this is good idea Penny." He wheedled, even as she felt his body respond and twitch beneath her weight.

"You might wanna tell your dick that!" She rubbed her heat over his arousal and grinned as he took a sharp intake of breath, his eyes misting lustily.

"I" he started, "I don't…" but she silenced him with a kiss, persevering till he yielded, opening to allow her tongue to invade and tangle with his as a sigh escaped him.

The position of power flushed a thrill of excitement through her body, quickening the pulse in her panties. Keeping her weight in her hands, she continued to pin him as she pulled away from the kiss.

"And you owe me good!" She declared!

"Okay?" He answered, his voice timorous.

"Now, talk dirty to me!" She ordered.

"What?" He puzzled, squirming a little.

"Talk dirty!" She repeated.

"What do you want me to say?" He flustered as a pink flush crept into his cheeks.

"Tell me what you want me to do Leonard." He bit his lip in mute confusion, so she reiterated. "What do you want me to do to you?"

"Erm…." He looked at her like a rabbit in the headlights as he blushed puce.

"Urgh! For fucks sake! Leonard! Do you want me to fuck you?" She exasperated.

"Erm, yes please, that'd be nice." He responded in a tremulous voice.

"Then say it!" She ordered rolling her eyes.

"Okay. Please will you fuck me Penny? Please." He repeated uncertainly, in a quavering, embarrassed voice.

"For God's sake Leonard!" she remonstrated, huffing a sigh of exasperation.

"I'm sorry!" He apologized. "I'm no good at this."

"You don't say!" She snarked.

Releasing his hands, she sat back, her centre pressing down heavy over his as she slid back to rest on his thighs, where she proceeded to grapple with his dressing gown cord.

He propped himself up on his elbows, watching fascinated as she unfastened it, then as she began to pull it free through the belt loops, his eyes bulged in surprise.

"What are you going to do with that?" He questioned, a worried tone quavering his voice.

"I'm gonna hog-tie you Leonard." She stated matter of factly, looking him square in the eye. "Then I'm gonna ride you to an inch of your life." She pulled the cord free and flexed it taut between her hands. "It's rodeo time buddy!"

He opened his mouth to protest as he sat up, then clearly thought better of it, his mouth still in the shape of an O as he silently proffered his wrists to her in submission.

Winding the cord round, she pulled tight, wrapping his hands together. Perhaps a little too tight as he protested with an "Ow!" and, in her mercy she allowed him some wriggle room to slacken the binds before tying the knot.

Pleased with her handiwork, she instructed "Now, reach for the skies Mister!"

He obeyed, raising his hands above his head, adopting a yoga tree pose that she quickly felled as she shoved him back, till he was once again flat on the bed, watching her with wary eyes.

She lifted herself from the bed, standing to tower over him as his eyes followed her every move. Slowly, she peeled her pink shrug off, tossing it away before slipping the straps of her dress down to reveal her black lace bra. An uncomfortable fucker chosen specifically to titillate Zack, the pain as the under-wire chaffed now no longer in vain as Leonard's eyes popped in desire. She slid the dress down past her hips to reveal matching panties, pressing snug against her as she pulsed above him, making him swallow in hunger like a starving man. He made to move towards her.

"Down!" She yelled sternly, making him jump as he obeyed, reassuming the position instantly.

She straddled him again, her arms gripping the headboard. She lowered her core to rub against his tip, now peeking up through his boxers, her slickness making the seam of her panties slide tantalizingly against her hard nub. He whimpered in excruciation and impatience, causing her to stifle a sound in her own throat. She was in control, that much was true, but she needed to be touched, and soon.

Pushing back off the headboard, she sat up, cupping her breasts and tweaking her nipples as she gyrated against him. His hardness teasing her, sending electric currents to pool in her loins, meeting the sensation from her hands that traveled down to join the swirling maelstrom as the pressure built. She reached behind and unhooked her bra, flicking it away as his appreciative eyes devoured her breasts. He made to sit up, move nearer, but she shook her head in mock severity and he acceded, his face a mask of frustration.

She nodded her approval. "Good boy! Now you can have a treat."

He licked his lips in nervous anticipation as, supporting her weight on his chest with one hand, she slipped the other down past the black lace into the juicy wetness, swollen and greedy as her fingers explored. He watched, his mouth slightly agape as his breathing accelerated.

"You wanna taste cowboy?" She teased.

He nodded enthusiastically and she felt his arousal twitch and move as it pressed against her dampness.

Withdrawing a slippery finger, she traced the outline of his mouth, glossing his lips with her juices as he licked and attempted to suckle, whining slightly as she moved her digit just out of reach.

"Aw, you want more?" She taunted.

He nodded again, his eyes glassy, desperate with desire. A pulse ticked in his arousal, increasing the beat in her own loins as she slipped her finger back under the lace.

"You gotta beg." She commanded, swirling her finger as her nubbin jumped, hungry and stiff.

"Please!" He gasped in desperation. "Please!"

"Here you go!" She placed her sodden finger on his bottom lip, allowing him to suck it into his mouth greedily. The sensation making the pulsation in her loins unbearable, as his lips and tongue promised satisfaction.

Placing her hands either side of his head she lowered, kissing his mouth gently, the taste of her arousal piquant and sweet on his lips as his tongue played with hers, adding more currents to the whirlpool as she thrummed and tightened for him.

Moving upwards she rested her breasts against his face and he suckled and licked, first one then the other; but always back to the left, why was that? He sucked hard, grazing with his teeth, her exposed nipples chilling in the night air as he moved between them. The pleasure-pain built her thirst, making her centre throb, till her body screamed for release and forced her ascent.

Scaling him, she gripped the headboard as she kneeled, her thighs either side of his head, squeezing his tethered arms tight against his ears. Her centre hovering above his mouth, tantalizing, just out of reach as he squirmed to reach her.

"Not so fast!" She dictated. She was the mistress of her own needs, and of his. She would not lose control.

She waited till he stilled. Scrutinizing him as he gazed up at her, panting, mad-eyed with lust. She remained immobile, stock-still till he settled. Then, as a reward, she lowered gently to allow the damp lace to brush his lips, her stomach twisting in a wild flip as he inhaled, swallowing her scent and gulping. She couldn't help but smile at the silent plea in his eyes.

"You want another taste?" She offered.

"Oh God, yes." He begged. "Please, Penny, please!"

She reached down to pull the lace to the side, exposing herself, reveling at the flash of desire in his eyes and his ravenous swallow.

"Then, let's go for a ride!" She allowed, before she gently lowered.

The exquisite feel of his lips and tongue forced a gasp from her. Knuckles white as she gripped the headboard, she positioned herself, allowing his tongue to lap where she stiffened, pushing against his top lip as she exhaled a sharp blow of air, only to inhale in a hiss as he began to suckle. Crushing his arms with her thighs she began to gyrate, pushing down on his face as his tongue swirled and hit the spot, building the sensation, the euphoria rising, coiling tight within her till she was ready to explode. A quivering rush of bliss infiltrated her body as she released, a groan of pleasure wrest from her throat as her climax rippled through.

"Oh God! Oh Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawd!" She rode the wave as she unraveled, the headboard crashing against the wall, drumming an allegro tempo.

Allowing Leonard the spoils, she giggled involuntarily as he continued his ministrations, her oversensitive spot twitching as she jerked with the aftershocks. Finally, it was too much to take and she dismounted, snatching herself away, the sharp suck as she broke from him indicating he was in no mood to stop as she swung her leg over and off. His face sopping and disappointed, she kneeled beside him, looking down as a pang of sympathy took her.

"Good work partner." She praised. "Now, I'm gonna throw you a bone."

She swung her leg back over and, moving backwards down his body, stopped face to face with his phallus, cheekily poking out from the fly of his boxers, impatient to see her.

"Hello my old friend." She greeted. "You wanna come out and play?"

"Oh Hell yes!" Leonard cried, sitting up slightly, his tethered hands rather fittingly suggesting surrender as they rested atop his head.

"Was I talking to you?" She scolded.

"Now, back down, tout suite Mister. Don't make me come up there!" She threatened with a wink, a mischievous grin danced on his face which he instantly masked as he reclined in obedience.

Unpicking the buttons she opened his boxer fly to reveal her prize. She was careful not to touch him. All would come in good time; he'd just have to wait.

Peeling the material back, she tugged down and he helpfully lifted his buttocks so she could slide them down below his knees, where he toed them off and onto the floor. She surveyed the scene as he lay helpless. The open robe, t-shirt and socks made his exposure more obscene somehow; she couldn't quite put her finger on why though? What should be covered was not, and what didn't matter was, that was it! She liked the naughtiness of it. It was slightly wrong.

Lowering her face, she breathed a hot breath against him, watching as his arousal twitched, a little jump toward her as if a sentient creature.

Smiling, she ran dry lips up the smooth velvety skin of his shaft, inhaling his musky scent and chuckling as his legs began to tremble between hers with the whisper of her touch. Reaching the head, she brushed her mouth lightly on the tip, blowing out a humid caress as she gently circled and he began to squirm in divine agony.

She permitted him a little lick, his briny tang stinging her flicking tongue, before she wet her lips and closed them around his head, puckering while she lapped and swirled then sucking gently, eliciting a moan of pleasure.

His cry sent a signal to her very core, a reboot as she budded at the sound; she was back in the game! It was one of the joys of being a girl. She always found the concept of Penis Envy baffling. It was like a modern camera vs old. When you could have as many dazzling illuminations as you pleased, why would you envy the pop of an antique flash bulb?

Lowering now, she suckled, bobbing her head as her lips pushed his skin back and forth, her tongue caressing his length, swirling at the summit and sucking hard on her descent. A sudden sharp, salty zest warned her to stop. She withdrew. She wasn't even near done with him. Not by a long shot.

She pushed up on her arms as he whimpered in frustration. Tutting, she clambered up his body till they were face to face.

"No, I don't think so buddy!" She shook her head as she tut-tutted derisively. "I've got plans for you."

With that she rubbed her throbbing centre against him, pressing him flat against his own stomach as she ran up and down his length, and it was sweet, so sweet, slipping and sliding easily along his rigid outline as the pulsation grew, her bunched-up panties digging against her backside teasingly.

Watching his face she allowed just the very tip of him inside. His rapt reaction intensified the ache but she wasn't ready to hand over the goods just yet, she was gonna milk this for all he was worth.

Tipping her hips ever so slightly, she moved so he traveled over the hub of her, slipping out to tease and then dipping just back inside to tickle her sweet spot as the pressure built, traveling up her spine making her shoulders shiver. She thwarted him as he tried to thrust up, moving away as he groaned in excruciation.

"Penny, I'm going to come!" He apologized as he tried again, but she was too quick for him and pulled up and away.

"Nuh huh!" She hovered above. "I'm not done with you yet!"

"Oh God, you're killing me!" He cried as she sprang away to stand next to the bed. She slipped her clammy panties off as she surveyed him from her elevated position.

"Well, well, well, Mr Hofstader. What are we going to do with you?" She shook her head, crossing her arms as she looked him up and down and he stared back with pleading eyes.

"I do believe you need breaking in stallion. You need to know who's boss!" And with that she pounced, landing on the bed on all fours, top to toe as she pressed her centre to his surprised mouth. "Giddy up Leonard!"

It was too risky to touch him right now so she turned her head and rested her face on his thigh, pleased to be able to concentrate on her own pleasure. He caught on quick, his tongue pushing back against her as she pressed into him, concentrating on his bottom lip as she thrust down, grinding and circling, the sweet ecstasy rising quickly, rushing to peak as she shuddered against him in a suffocating crush as she uncoiled and turned to jelly, her "Oh God!" heartfelt as she lost all control and collapsed.

"You still with me down there?" she panted, flinching as his laughter vibrated against her tenderness.

"Uh huh." He mumbled; his voice muffled as he added. "I think you broke my jaw!"

"Oh Sweetie…" She almost apologized, before stopping herself and returning to character.

"Them's the breaks cowboy! Rodeo aint for no pussies!" She declared, supporting her weight in her knees as she lifted off him, looking through her legs to catch his eye.

"Now you better saddle up, coz things are gonna get rough!" She stifled a laugh as his eyes widened before facing forward again, eyeing his erection while she considered her next move. A little good cop, bad cop, she decided, or, rather more topically, white cowboy hat vs black cowboy hat, on account of the persnickety little git's hatred for mixed metaphors,

Here comes The Lone Ranger, yay! She swept her puckered lips along the length of him, gliding down, then up, her own flavor sweetening his skin and exciting her taste buds. She slipped him into her mouth; his salty tip a reminder to go easy as she lowered.

Here's the corrupt Sheriff, boo! Pushing down till he hit her throat, she bit lightly at his base before ebbing back, raking her teeth along his shaft making his legs twitch in fear.

And repeat.

Once again his taste intoxicated her, sent little currents to swirl in her loins, making them pound, coveting him, envious of her mouth, yearning for him to enter, fill and stretch her.

Enough was enough. She pushed herself upright, smiling a wicked grin as she watched his legs relax, his toes daring to venture forth from their clenched position.

A little reverse cowgirl was on the cards.

"Time to saddle up and ride 'em cowboy!" She announced twisting to face him briefly before turning back and rising to position herself above his eager member.

With her back to him she guided him in with her hand, her body opening gratefully as she slid down, enveloping his length and girth and sending tingling spasms through her body, tiny messages that stiffened her nipples and quickened her pulse, sweat prickling her skin as her thighs took the strain.

And she rode 'em! Bucking against him as she dug her heels into his rib cage, he was lucky she wasn't wearing spurs. She felt him tighten as he pulsated inside her.

"Gimme a Yee Haw Leonard!" She screamed as the headboard thudded into accelerando, pounding against Sheldon's wall as they galloped to the finish.

"A Yee Haw?" He questioned croakily as he met her thrusts, his own skin beading as he neared.

"You heard." She cried "Gimme a Yee Haw!"

"Yee" he started but broke in the middle as he exploded with a "HaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa!" Shuddering as he folded.

Time was of the essence. She had to make this quick. She was close, so close, it wouldn't take much! She quickened her pace. The tempo flying now, matching the Lone Ranger's theme tune as the headboard tapped its frenetic Morse code, racing her to the trophy buckle. Pressing down, ramming to the hilt, she grabbed his legs, pulling them up to support her weight as she leaned over, her body starting to shake as his hair bristled against her midriff. Nearly there, nearly. Nearly! She gyrated frantically as he slid over her sweet spot, teasing her as the crescendo rose. One more thrust, one more and "OH GOD!" there it was, and she flopped forward gripping his knees as she unwound, tremors jerking her body and sapping her strength as she collapsed between his legs.

They lay, undulating in a sweaty heap, breaths staggered and cracked. Penny's feet twitched by Leonard's head, pinning his bound arms to the bed. He tried to wriggle free as her weight pressed down on his body.

"Penny?" He called, trying to shift from beneath her, his binds beginning to cut off the circulation to his hands.

A snore drifted up to his alarmed ears.

He felt a goopy trickle on his stomach. Was that what he thought it was? It saturated through his t-shirt, tacky on his skin. How was it so cold already? Oh God!

"Penny!" He cried out anxiously, his efforts in vain.

This cowgirl was just plumb tuckered out. She rode into the sunset, a rodeo dreamscape of phallic cacti and orgasmic coyote calls, her soft snores keeping beat with her broken bronco's ambling hooves as they drifted away.

So long Partner.


End file.
